Note: Also see this year's Quoteboard 2003

"I don't think we need a Plan B, let's just ride out the storm."
- The mighty Krucoff dishing wisdom, holiday party style. (12/5)

"Everytime I have a conversation with her, I feel like I should tip her afterwards."
- Anonymous feedback on an awkwardly-flirty fellow student. (12/3)

"If she was skinny she'd be cool."
- Overhead during a jaunt into Boston. [read it aloud!] (11/28)

"Your web site sucks."
- My grandmother, frustrated about the lack of teendrama.com updates. (11/26)

"Is that an erection, or do your pants just go that way?"
- 79-year old Aunt Anne after noticing my jeans were all bunched in the crotch as I was laying on the floor. (for the record, it was not an erection.) (11/26)

"Did you go to Stanford too?"
- Adam Monahan starring in "The Lamest Pickup Line Ever" with co-star Alisa. (11/9)

"Is there a special on Amstel Light or something?"
- Some random guy, perfectly timed with the infamous Dennis/Joceyln meltdown at The Magician. (when?)

"I dunno, but this is what they do here, all kinds of weird stuff. Actually everyone who goes to this department is weird. They make some strange shit."
- Overhead by one of the security guards @ ITP.

"I forget - what band are you in again?"
- Says the Rheingold ambassador to Krucoff at El Patio.

"What's that place called? Sleazy McCannon's?"
- Mike.d, a little hazy about the Filthy McNasty's experience.

"Give me a Pound Puppy!"
- My mom, not quite getting the whole "pound dawg" concept. (10/13)

"You got Nerve, kid!"
Grellan's commentary about Saturday night. This kid is blowing up! (10/6)

Very drunk girl: "What are we on MTV?"
Grellan: "Yeah, and you're dismissed!"
- Overheard @ Welcome to the Johnson's as I watched Grellan battle with arguably the drunkest girl I've ever seen. (Not sure why we were talking about MTV, but whatever). (10/3)

"Yeah, we're on the list. We're with Dervala Hanley"
- How did this not make it onto the quoteboard back in the day? This is the line we were dropping three times a week to get past the velvet ropes back in the days before the dot com's went bust. (trivia: Dervala was my old boss back in the Vindigo days)

"DEAR TENANT, NO HOT WATER TUES-SAT, 9/2-9/7, due to new hot water boiler"
- Hand delivered note from the super on the FIRST DAY of my new apt. (As Dannielle said, "that's a mainland China style inconvenience") (8/29)

krucoff: it's a banner day for you!!!
krucoff: new apartment, hot classes and hot chicks!
krucoff: the sun shines on dennis crowley even when it's raining
Andy, via IM, on my luck finally turing around (new apt, got all the nyu classes I wanted, and Krucoff's friend wants to make out) (8/29)

"Impossible. The guy's dick is inverted."
- Rachel.T seeing the "Nail" position highlighted in the PalmaSutra. (9/8)

hifirandy: 9x7? woof
- Randy, on my west village bedroom. IM styles. (8/13)

"What's my 17 year old daugher doing with your son's business card?"
- Phone call my mom received from some random lady who claims her daughter was found w/ my "Man of Leisure" business card. I swear, I know nothing. (7/27)

"Is this 'Sweet and Viscous?'
- Stoopid cellphone girl while staring at the sign outside of Sweet and Vicious. (7/20)

"Me and B-School decided we'd be better off as friends."
- Vipul on his deferment from business school. (7/20)

"I try not to read books that star Hugh Grant."
- Stoopid Neel.C after noticing I was reading Nick Hornby's About a Boy. (7/8)

"You just put a Level 10 enchanting spell on me, baby!"
- Steve, to these cuties on the corner in DC, after rolling down the window and asking them where we could find the Barnes and Noble that was hosting the Dungeons and Dragons tournament. (7/6)

"I overdance."
- Overheard at some club in Adams Morgan, DC. (7/6)

"Boy, you sure can pick them."
- Steve, after seeing the pictures of my high school prom date that are currently making their rounds on the internet. (7/5)

"You need to tell your parents that you're unemployed, not gay."
- Gage, after hearing that my Mom sent be a pick-me-up book on "how to dance through life" for my 26th birthday. (6/19)

"I'm not desperate - I just need glasses."
- Overheard at my bday @ Asylum... I think it was Krucoff (6/19)

"Land of the free, home of the brave!"
- ESPN announcer right after the final whistle blew during the US' World Cup victory over Mexico. (6/17)

"54% of Students Found to Drink Less than Four Drinks Per Night Out. Other 46% Aren't Losers."
Headline seen in Syracuse's on-campus version of The Onion. (5/13)

"... one more thing - there is no living room."
- Included as a last minute detail in an email about a too-good-to-be-true apt in the East Village.

"What is this? Tekken 3 tryouts?"
- Overhead in Battery Park as one kid was showing off his ability to walk on his hands.

"I'm the Bagger Vance of Golden Tee!"
- Me to Krucoff after coaching him to victory @ Filthy McNasty's on Randy's bday. (5/18)

Me: "I've got two words for you..."
Heather: "Stop It."
- Heather.D interrupting my conversation w/ Krucoff about the (underage) cuties at Eva's Greek Easter Bonanza. (5/5)

"I promise I won't even touch you - I'll wear mittens!"
- Overheard as someone tried very, very hard to lure an ex back home after yet another drunk night on the UWS. (5/3)

"Not a flying cereal."
- Disclaimer on a commercial for 'Toy Story' cereal

"Dennis and I aren't exactly 'college material'."
- Dan Kittery skillfully avoiding a conversation with an economics student from Trinity College. (4/19)

"vanilla coke for mayor!"
- Random email from JJ Money. (4/18)

"I went to Supercuts and asked for a mullet. Only cost me 12 bucks."
- Random email from Greggy Poo Poo after he left NH is search of the fabled "real job". (4/15)

"Sure, I think it's a great idea that you guys move in with a guy that we met on the internet."
- So reads Sarah's nerve.com profile for "Best [or worst] lie I've ever told". (4/15)

krucoff: wicked rook!
- Andy, mocking my newfound mission to whoop Jos' ass in chess. (4/11)

CHF Digital: Seriously, I looked at an apt. yesterday with a girl who had one leg. You suck.
- Chris F., after learning of my luck finding a new apt with the best roommates ever(tm). (4/4)

"He sounded pretty busy. Some guy in the background asked if I was his son and he said 'No, it's just my sailor friend'".
- USCG Lt. R.Moore (via email) on what happened after calling my dad at the office. (4/2)

"MIT is for stupid sissies anyway"
"F. MIT. who'd you think you were - will hunting?"
- Sampling of responses received after I got negged from MIT's Media Lab. (4/1)

Dens: "She is wearing a beret. Her name must be Marie."
Weird Girl: "Uh, its Maureen, actually."
Dens: "Exactly."
- Me, drunk, interrupting Rob's attempt at macking on some Frenchie post opening day. (4/1)

"Yeah, I considered dating [her]... until I noticed her feet are enormous!
- Anonymous good friend speaking the god honest truth (4/1)

krucoff: [you're] the butt of jokes told at soho loft parties
- Andy on my over rated, has-been status. (3/10)

Kans87: aren't you tired of getting dumped by girls that you aren't even dating?"
- The wise wise wise words of Mr. Allard after hearing about The DC Fiasco. (3/4)

"See ya. Peace out. Sorry about the wrist."
- Greg, yelling across the lodge to the girl who broke her wrist in one of his lessons two days prior. (2/13)

"Cats climbing up trees, five times five equals twentyfive!"
- What Dan and I have determined to be the best line in Shawshank Redeption after seeing it on TNT for the 200th time. (2/9)

"talk to you later, arm breaker!"
- Robyn, via email, the day that a girl in one of my lessons busted her wrist. (2/11)

"Do you have anything comparable to Cinnasticks?"
- Me to the Pizza Hut woman after Domino's was randomly closed on a Thursday night thus denying us our Cinnasticks craving. We got stuck with P'Zones. And I think she spit in mine. (2/7)

"Yeah, we had to close down because we ran out of cheese."
- The Domino's guy (four days later) on why they had to shut down. (2/11)

"Who was your mascot? The P-Town Magic Fairies?"
- Rob to Ms. Myya, a graduate of Provincetown High School

"Sorry to interrupt, but do either of you guys want a beer?"
- Some 17 year old kid we shared a chairlift with at Sunday River who just happened to be riding with a backpack full of tallboy cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon. (2/2)

"Sure I'll introduce you to my sister... if you'd comb your hair!"
- Random girl to me @ Tuckerman's Tavern.

"Skiing is for little fat kids."
- Sticker found in the ski school locker room @ Attitash. (1/23)

"I'm not married when i have my ski gloves on."
- Anonymous ski instructor on how easy it is to mack the ladies when ski gloves cover up The Ring. (1/23)

"Yo momma, she is so short you can see her feet on her drivers license. Do you think they where talking about little old me?"
- Random email from my grandmother. (1/12)

"Man, I can't even afford to live with my parents."
- Overheard in the lift line @ Attitash (1/7)


Note: Also see last year's Quoteboard 2001