"AAAAAA +++ #1 SELLER!"
- Kevin Slavin (over IM) after my very first Skype (now eBay) VOIP conversation. It sucked, btw. All static'y. (9/26)
"at least we're not mentioned last. fuck you, college humor!"
Me to Krucoff, after seeing the Huffington writeup post Denton's party. (elevated to quoteboard status by AK, 9/23)
"Now that you've made the tech review list, you can get any woman you want. I hear this is a real panty dropper. confirm/deny?"
- El Dolapo, after news of the MIT thing was sent around. (9/23)
"Did [she] just marry David Copperfield? What circuit does this magician perform in?"
- Lt. Rob, on the wedding pics that recently made the rounds. (9/8)
"It was a flat two-piece."
- Jonathan describing the long-lost Lego that was rediscovered after his colonoscopy. (9/5)
"You've become more machine than man!"
- Genja, after taking note that I fell asleep with my cell phone still in my hand. (7/30)
"Are we not 30 years old?!"
- Ferrari, after noticing the Mike.d Brown Shoe Debacle at Katie's wedding. (7/8)
Woman at conference: "Hi. I'm glad you're presenting because I have been following your white papers for years."
IRC channel: "we have some hardcore where geeks here"
- Overheard at the Where 2.0 conference in SF. (6/29)
"ARTICLE FROM CHILEAN NEWSPAPER"
- Subject line of an email some reporter in Chile sent me after a PacManhttan piece ran. You need to say it as if it had three exclaimation points at the end (CAPS!!!) for it to be even remotely funny. (6/22)
"You heard me, trick!"
- One homeless man to another, yelling across an intersection on the sketchy streets of SF. (6/16)
"That's where Grellan's was and that's where mine was so open up wide and have a nice big slice of suckit pie."
- Randy, after I argued against having my bday at 12" (too small!) (6/1)
"Beer and cars and rock and roll and.... girl"
- Andy, on spotting the one legit female at this random cookout in VT. (5/30)
"Yeah he's handy. He's got a truck."
- I overheard Andy saying this about my Dad in VT, as he rolled up in a borrowed pickup truck. Mind you, this is minutes before me + my dad struggled to hammer a rusty nail into a piece-of-shit picnic table using a pink "Ladies' First Toolbox" hammer. (5/29)
"Alright, Linux box. It's me and you, penguin."
- Alex on struggling to set up Baby's First Linux Environment. (5/25)
"Dianne & Becca: pick which wheel you want to be: third, fourth or five."
- Grellan, on my plans to bring Genja to Vermont (5/24)
"Please put us on the list for tonite's party: Rob Johnson +3, John DeCicco +9"
- Some random guy that nobody knows, RSVPing to the already overcrowded No Data Prom. We were struggling to cut the guest list down to 250 when this email came in. (5/21)
"We're all very proud. Bout' time that thing paid off! Good luck Dens. You deserve it. Suck a dick."
- Emailed congrats from college roommate Crazy Red Monahan. (5/13)
"I mean shit, i'd like to see some pics from their IPO party. i bet they were lighting horses on fire."
- Krucoff, after I was wondering whether post-dball-acquisition pics would get me in trouble with my new employer. (5/13)
"That's so first round draft pick."
- Randy on the upgrade from Big Red to Big Red 2.0. (5/11)
"You should feed Big Dig the newspaper clippings."
- Kevin.M, suggested response to my Dad telling me "make $$$$$$$$$$$$ you can't eat newspapers" in the heydays of dodgeball press. (5/11)
"This is like watching a 100 yard touchdown run in slow motion."
- Krucoff, as the rumors about the Dodgeball + Google thing start to leak out over the innernets. (5/11)
"She sucked. If she was an octopus she'd have one arm."
- Super-cute Kate when asked how Little Sister Katie did as an intern last summer (ps: she lasted two weeks). (5/6)
"Why are you throwing pretzels at us?"
"It's part of a scavenger hunt!"
- Jill's + Kate's + Julia's (all crunked, btw) reply when approached by a bunch of girls whom
they were throwing pretzels at. (5/6)
"If that freak girl bypasses me in the Best Friends Index we are going to have serious problems."
- random IM banter (5/6)
Me: 12 years younger?
Me: is that math right?
Him: was never good at math
Him: just biology
- Random IM snippets on the wonders of dating someone younger. (4/26)
"You are so retarded it's unbelievable."
- Robert (12" bouncer / barback) to me after I stuffed a disco ball up my shirt. (4/23)
"Doing great work. Making lots of money."
- Overheard answer to the question "Hey, what's up Doug?". (4/19)
"Everyone here uses a Mac - it's like I'm watching 'Felicity.'"
- J.Newman, on visting ITP for the first time. (4/14)
"You fucking loser!"
- Passerby yelling at British Jess as she sat in her apt practicing her newly purchased recorder.
Jay: "He still drinks like he's in college."
Dens: "That's the nicest thing you've ever said about me."
- Jay's response to Jess' inquriy about when one actually outgrows college. (4/8)
"ugh, who invited the whore? please explain to her that this is the LES, not Fort Lauderdale."
- Becca, on the most recent No Data recap. (4/8)
- Homeless man hecking Marc Johnson on the streets of NYC. (4/7)
"it would be fitting if we took big red back on friday, and it died on 95. then resurrected on sunday morning.
- Jonathan commenting on the sorry state of Big Red and the prospect of a 4-hour Easter Weekend trek back to Boston. (3/21)
"Are you guys drunk?"
- Lift operator at the Arrowhead Lodge (@ Beaver Creek) after 3-4 lunchtime pitchers. (2/19)
"i've had an opportunity to preview the simmons itinerary for this trip and it promises not to disappoint. in addition to having our meals an leisure time mapped out, steve has also pre-planned all of our conversations, witty banter, verbal jibes etc. so just bring yourselves and simmons will take care of the rest."
- Rob Grossman, pre-Beaver Creek, calling out Steve's tendency to over-plan. (2/10)
"No, Tivo, I freaking TOLD you what to tape. I tell YOU what to do!"
- Heather.D, reinacting the moment she got fed up with Tivo's recommendations. (2/12)
"Here's what we'll do: we'll get a Racecar... er, what do you call it?"
- Jonathan, confusing the name of the official drink of SuperBowl 2005: the Nascar. (ps: er, I didn't feel like looking up the Roman numerals, 2/6)
"Man, I think that baby exploded!"
- Gangster kid who was sitting next to me on the plane ride down to the SuperBowl. This kid
didn't say anything the entire plane ride, then busted out when the little kid sitting behind us
puked all over the place. (2/5)
"I'm sorry - we're trying to do this ourselves."
- Grellan to Jill, swatting her hand away from the bottle of Ketel One we ordered during
the Bottle Service debaucle. (1/13)
"Okay, so I don't have a Bloomberg terminal, but I do have at Tivo. It's only $12 a month!"
- Grellan (again?!) to some random girl, after being called out on his "high rolling day-trader"
web of lies. The girl later left her phone number on a business card that said "I love No DJ" (er,
instead of No Data) (@ 12", 1/27)
"You play the types of music that make people hate hip-hop."
- Random girl to me @ No Data. (1/26)
"I don't care that I got your voice... and I wanted to let you know that I'm your male."
- I actually overheard Grellan leave this message on some girl's voicemail. (1/26)
"Baby's first cabride? TAKE YOUR BELONGINGS."
- Frank, lecturing me via email after I left my cellphone in a cab (12/13)
Arrest warrant leads officers to meth lab operation
"The sheriff said one of the suspects is believed to be Kim Dennis Crowley, 43, who lists a Kingston address..."
One of the many wonderful things you'll find if you try to Google "Dennis Crowley". (11/25)
"What is this, Metal Gear Solid?"
- Frank, upon encountering the lock on the bathroom door at some bar in Seattle. (10/8)
"Exaclty. She didn't say yes, she said O.K."
Grellan's analyzing my decision to ask Karen to Paul and Anne's wedding. (you dont' get it, do you??) (9/23)