teendrama welcome back party (starring Mike.D's bachelor party!)
Holy sweet Jesus! The first teendrama entry in, what, two months!? Friends, in just a few short hours I will be in my busted ass truck driving back to Boston Cape Cod for Mike.D + Jos' wedding. And on this kind-of lazy Friday afternoon (I just ate about 8 pounds of gnocci), I figured what better way to kick this off with a recap of Mike.D's bachelor party (June 16)!
So, background? Mike.d = one of my bestest pals from high school. Bachelor party = also falls on Father's Day wkd (two for one!). Mike.d's brother Dave was in charge of organizing the whole thing - grabbing us 10 tix to the Sox v. Giants game and planning dinner and drinks. Big Dig scored a handful of tix to the game last minute (Crowley family outing) so me + J ended up catching the early Saturday morning Amtrak back to Boston together.
Amtrak = looonnng. We passed the time with nostalgic hangman. "Things you look forward to?" Middle school half-day! "Things Jonathan hates?" Acorns dumped on this head! Hahahahaha!
2:30p. Dad picked us up at Rt. 128 and gave us a ride into Fenway...
... where we had a contest in the parking garage to see who could create the most realistic throw-up scene given a mouth full of milkshake and a punch in the stomach. Fun!
Annnddd onto Boston Billiards (our default location for pre-game meetups) where we hooked up with the Driscolls (x3), the rest of the bachelor party crew, Katie and Matty (Katie's bf!) and Mom (?). Wait, Mom, where you there?
To the game!
Teendrama superfans, may recognize some of the regulars. Left to right, MF, Rob, mini DPS, Mike.D, Adam.K (aka Mike.D's roommate from school).
Sox vs. Giants! Barry Bonds may hit his 9,000,000th homerun! $26/ticket! What a steal? Ooooorrr... We ended up paying $200 each off stubhub.com (!!) and Barry was so short of The Record that there was zero hope of a milestone day at the park.
Hey, at least the seats were good. (ZING!) Actually, as much as I tried, I couldn't even fit all the obstructions in the viewfinder! (there's another pole to the left). Hahahahahah!
But what's a fat guy and a pole-blocking-your-view between friends?! We had a slamming time anyway (read: six beers). Mr. D, pay attention! (and that empty seat belongs to our photographer, Dave.D)
Driscoll's x2. Our pal Dave on the left is pretty crAnked.
And Dave, I'm just busting you about the seats... they weren't that bad. See, when the big guy sat down I could *just about* see the field.
In the 8th, MF and I make a special "trip to the bathroom" (aka, Operation: Seat Switcharoo). 8th row back - and hey! - we even found free beers under our seats! (gross I know, but it seemed like a good idea at the time.)
View down the baseline. Holy shit, that's Curt Shilling on the left!
Okay, post game... (btw - Sox went on to win it 1-0 and, come Sunday, sweep the Giants. Dice K pitched 7 innings w/ 8 strikeouts!)... back to Boston Billiards.
Main attraction = Hoop Fevah. A favorite of mine + JJ's (see: Thanksg 06). By the number, I'm not so good...
... though my amazing form may mask that sad sad fact from time to time. (Let it be known that I did slay MF in one round. Yeeaaaaah!)
MF and Mike.D, hands of fury style.
Highest score of the day? 65. A mf'ing 65. The stuff that legends are made of. (MF = captain in high school)
Make no mistake, I am an ar-teeest.
All basketball'd out, we turned to blind buck hunting. Blindfold courtesy of an anti-Barry Bonds promo at Feneway.
We then turned our attention to this mechanical punching bag. $1 buys a chance to see how hard a douchebag can throw a drunken punch (read: this game is a hit at Boston Billiards). The tomfoolerly in this video started with Dig's challenge: "Okay, whatever I do you guys all have to do after me." I scored the worst - my head ain't so good at smashing things.
And on our way out. Medway kidz 4eva. What'choo think of my bandwagonin' Dice.K tee? Pow!
Dad was trying to get us to line up in an "odd man out" pose (Get it? cause Mike.d is going to be all married up?). Instead it turned into a nut-grabbin' free for all. (huh?)
Oh, see here's what we were going for.
And let's finish this one up with a nice all-dude upskirt, shall we?
Things get a little hazy around this point. There was a Dukes of Hazard style sliding-across-the-hood-of-parked-cars contest, some showering up at Mike (MF) + Meg's place, and them somehow we managed to make it to...
... dinner at Eastern Standard. Most inappropriately harassed our waitress (come'on!) and Mike.d inevitably managed to convince some lovely ladies to come back to our (non-existent) hotel before nearly passing out in his salmon. I had the steak frites.
(Note Jesus shining over Mike.d like a beacon of freedom)
... and then we ended up at a place called Foundation. No sneakers, lots of dudes in blazers, big line outside. Somehow we just walked to the front of the line and hustled our way in ("Oh, we're the suckers who love love love the bottle service." "Oh, right this way, sir(s)").
Bottle service. Oof. Even the thought of such makes me feel ick (see: disaster).
By the way, JC if you're reading this, this is about as scandalous as this bachelor party got. It is kind of funny how quickly the ladeez descend upon your table once the bottles + mixers + buckets of ice come out. Dave.d, I won't even comment on the smoothness of the moves I'm witnessing here.
Brothers McCrunken. So, things are going good. We've got a little VIP section of the bar carved out for us, mini Asian girls are dancing in our little booth, I may have been talking to some girl that wasn't a smidge older than my sister (pow!), Mike.d's doing that little fist-in-the-air dance he does all while standing on one of the couches and then...
... SUPER HUGE CRASH!!! Mike.d topples over and crashes onto the table that's holding a $300 bottles of gin, $250 worth of vodka, maybe 10 glasses, a few carafes of cranberry and OJ mixers, etc, etc. Like, hold on, crashes *chest first* into the table. Glass everywhere. Amazing. DJ's record may or may not have done the sccccceeeeeettcccchhhhh thing - I honestly can't remember, but it it didn't, it definitely should have.
And speaking of things that definitely should have happened, no idea how we were not Asked To Leave. Do they (will they?) kick out the guys with the $1000 bar tab? Oof.
I got to quote The Grellan on this: "Gentleman, we're just not cut out for bottle service."
Moving on. We left around 12:30a? With these girls? Oh no! (For the record, I had nothing to do with this). And who's the dude on the left?
We lost Rob soon after this (oh snap!). And then I threw my phone at MF from like 30 feet away (sorry, man) and hit him square in the head (awesome!!!). Hmmm, not sure why, though my phone ricochetted off his head and fell down into some garden some two stories underground. I then had to climb down some trellis to rescue it. Huh. ps: Now when you shake it (the phone!) it sounds like there's something floating around inside.
And that's it. Whew. Woke up early w/ MF and scored a free ride back to Medway to hang out w/ Mom + Dad + J + K all day (Father's Day, remember?!) poolside at Auntie Jean's. No pics of that? Oh that's right - no pics cause me + J went to Wal-Mart to get shorts + wife beaters + sun hats and those pics don't really need to be on the internets.
Come dinner time, we called up Gam + Anne to come visit, ordered up more Chinese food than any one family should eat and made a run to the Medway Lotus in the hot rod Dig's been storing in the garage all winter.
We tried to open her up on the highway (ha, can't believe I just wrote that), but couldn't find 3rd gear. (Wah!) Also, I can't drive stick which sucks. Bonus points if you were about to guess that I took this shot as we were blowing by Brigsey's farm at 80mph.
And that's it! T-minus two hours till I head to the cape. T-minus 18 hours till LOBSTER ROLL CITY!
(and we're not caught up yet... still got Bday #31 recaps and Foo Camp recaps I'm behind on)